Its 2.10am now and I'm still wide awake despite the very lil sleep last night. Or should I say I slept very well last night? Perhaps under the influence of alcohol and stuffs. I hadn't been sleeping well ever since boyf left my place. I only sleep for a few hours and rush off to work again. Something is very very wrong that I can't sleep. And I've been smoking alot lately. Urgh! I know smoking is bad for health yet I can't stop myself from puffing away. The urge to smoke keep coming and coming repeatly. Tell me how to stop it? At least not smoking heavier and heavier.

I know I should be contented with life. A lovely boyf, cute children, carring family, stable job, yet always lack of money. I hadn't been shopping lately and I'm cutting down my expenses by eating only a meal a day. Like super pathetic. Thank god I'm not hungry or I'll just snack a lil in the afternoon. Sometimes my dad will bring food for me so I've save a lil more from there.

You might be thinking, why the hell do I need so much money for right? To fulfill a long lost promise. A promise that can bring a thousand smiles on his face. If I really did it, I know I'll be very proud of myself. If I can't, at least I know I've tried. But this is a goal I set for myself. I will keep running till I reach the very end. Because the ending point I get in return is priceless.

I have been changing. Changing to be more stingy and less spendthrift. Baby, idk if you can see the changes, but I'm trying. Please don't scold me for skipping meals. Its just that I ain't hungry. I don't eat as much as before. Its good this way, so I can slim down. If you really want to buy me something, get me a bottle of liquor. So I can drink myself till numb and fall asleep. I've been suffering with those sleepless nights and I'm very fustrated.

Baby, you ain't as scary as what people think. I know this is like super random but I still wanna say it. After being with you for quite sometime, I notice some people don't even dare to look at you. Not only guys, girls too. You got such evil eyes to scare people off meh? The first day I met you, I feel comfortable being with you, remember? Everytime I'm with you, I feel very calm. I am who I am. I don't need to act or pretend. When we're apart, thousand of worries and troubles pass by without giving notice. Its making me going crazy. I swear I really need liquor to make me sleep. I want back my sleeeeep!

Its 2.51am now. Let's see what time I'll fall asleep..

Good night world! :)

Madeline.
13 December.
Enjoying the last year of teenage life.

xoxoxo

I strongly believe in, ЌαЯмά

善有善报，恶有恶报，
不是不报，时间未到 -
因果报应。

"What goes around comes around what goes up must come down."