This super nice guy, called me this afternoon when I was doing my checkup in hospital. I entertain him for 29 mins on the phone leh! Nice one.

Everything he say are just craps and rubbish.. I think he's aiming me to be his money tree, so he can shake me all he wants. Ask me about my job, my salary. Best is he's even willing to come all the way down to Tampines from Yishun just to have dinner with me. (Okay, I lie to him that I'm at home. If I say I'm at outside, he sure gonna come looking for me. Lol.) Super sweet of him right?!

If I'm a young and innocent girl, I guess I'll fall for all his honey sweet words. But too bad I ain't. Muahahaha! All these sweet talking can leave it to those 16 years old xmm. I say 16 cos its the legal age for sex! ;)

Ohh, say till sex, this Mr Nice guy wanna have fun with me on bed! Ahhhh! This is the most interesting part of the whole 29 mins of conversation. I say I'm bored, he say "If you're beside me now, I'll make sure you have fun and won't get bored". Something like that la. Never really remember what he said. Lol! I almost faint when I hear this.

One folly foolish mistake gonna ruin your whole life. I took a wrong step before and have to live in regret. But its true that time heals everything.. Even if guys are extinct in the world and he's the only one left, I swear I won't go near him!!!!!

Seriously idk why the fuck did I pick up that call. Perhaps I'm too bored while waiting and need some entertainment from ppl. Even if I did, den why am I back here blogging all these shit related to you and him?

Perhaps I know you'll be reading this. Perhaps I want you to show concern to me. Perhaps I want you to know what he's telling me. Perhaps I just want you to get the hint of what he's trying to do to you. And perhaps.....

Last night, I have a dream of you together with me. We're close like before, we've patch back and get together once again. But when I wake up, everything is just a Dream. I'm back to reality!

Okay, what nonsense am I typing again?!?! Gonna wait for my medical report to be out and see if I'm a dying person.

& thank you friends, for saying I'm a strong girl. Madeline love YOU! :)

What Kasandra say is right.

"The more coldness he show you, the more you hurt.
The more you hurt, the more you feel your love for him.
The more you feel your love for him, all the more you want to stay with him.
And all the more you wanna stay with him, the more he pushes you away and treat you with more coldness..."

Yes, everything is a cycle. If I keep doing the same thing, I'll keep getting what I'll be getting and this cycle repeats. Until I do something different. A love game karma I should say?

Since this is how he treated me, deleting me away from MSN and facebook 2 days ago, I know I should put a stop to everything.. I feel so pathetic, begging him to be back by my side for the past 2 weeks, yet end up everything I did is in vain.

Perhaps he hated me for pestering him. But all I want to say is, YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO HATE ME. How much I've sacrifice and give in this relationship, I guess you know the answer better than I do..

Neither will I hate you. Since you don't want me to be your girlf, I tried to be your friend. I know a friend shouldn't say "BABY, I LOVE YOU." Yet I did. Maybe this is why you don't even let me be your friend. What I get from you is "I cannot be bothered and you're nothing to me."

Now I won't call or pester you anymore, you must be happy right? Since this is what you want, I shall give in to you. But I'll still meet you for the last time to get back my storybook. I won't hug or hold you anymore, after taking it I'll just fuck off from your sight.. All the things I give you, keep or dump it away its all up to you. I won't take it with me cos I don't see the point anymore.

I know your current girlf is not someone you love. I rather you find a girl you truly love and be together with her. Don't think too much about your health, you'll be doing well and fine. Take care friend, I know you'll be reading this. Perhaps this is my last time blogging here and I won't delete this bloggie away.

But if one day you tell me "你没有爱过, 你没等过难过", I make sure I'll slap you again. Because its you who ditch me, you who don't want me, you who choose to abandon me; NOT ME.

Goodbye friend. This is what you used to say to others long time ago when I just know you and now I'm returning it back to you. May you be happy always.

Yes, I bet I will. I won't hate you, but I'll forget about you. Happy?

Day 12.



Started work yesterday! Back to the same old table, my info counter. Next week I'll move on the registration counter and so. Tml Merlin won't be around with me, so I got to fight alone. But I'm afraid. Cos things ain't the same like the past. More things to do now. One thing wierd is I'm talking very patiently on phone when calling those patients. What's wrong with me?!?! Normally I'll yell and scream!

Love your marmie,
Madeline.

Day 9.

Tonight will be the last night I'm staying up late. Work gonna commence on Monday. So tml night I need to sleep early. I know I can't, so I'm going to eat the sleeping pill..

Boy, are you reading the book I bring it for you ytd? Idk if you've finish reading the previous time. I also don't know why I bring that book for you, but hope you read it again alright? That "present" I'm giving that bastard, before passing it to him, remember to give it back to me. There're still things I wanna say to him.. =)

Now I'm stitting infront of the laptop blogging, I don't know what to type. I'm already lost for words. Everyday I can only think of why are you treating me like this? WHY?!..

You choose to leave at this point when you needed me. You choose to scream and yell at me just wanting me to hate you. You want me to pretend that I've never meet you in the first place. You want me to never look back. You.....

I know you feel upset and hurt when you say all these to me. You're force to say it under such circumstances. But if I'm you, I won't do or say such things. Cos at this point of time, I really need love and concern from my closed ones. But you rather suffer and swallow all your sorrows alone. Don't you think you're selfish? Have you spare a thought for others who love you?..

You say you don't love me, you cannot be bothered. Yes, you don't love me, but you never say you hate me. When I hug or kiss you, you didn't brush me away. Yes, you cannot be bothered. But I know you still yearn for it right? You're waiting for me to take the first step. Cos you know, you can't hold me like the past anymore..

When you try to torture me, why did you stop in the end? You can choose not to stop and continue doing it. Cos you know I'm in pain, you don't have the heart to see me suffer when I didn't even scream a word out. I know you still care and love me..

Not I want to bhb say all these, but its the fact that you never ever want to admit. Cos you say I know 70% of you, the remaining 30% is a mystery. Compare yourself. A girlf who is together with you for 20 months can understand 70% of you whereas a bastard who claim to be your "brother" who know you for 7 years understand only 20 or 30% of you. Tssssk!~ How pathetic it is. Give me more time and I'll understand that remaining 30%..

You think you understand me, you think that I'll cry because of how you treated me. But you're so damn wrong! Idk since when I've become numb already. The Madeline you see now is different from the past. If this thing were to happen in the past, I'll cry and whine like nobody business..

But today, she is a strong girl and won't cry because of these setbacks. I learn it all from you. Before you play this game of Karma, you say you gonna be a dog who bite and doesn't let go. Now I'm returning this phrase back to you. I'm going to bite onto this relationship and never let go. You bite onto that bastard and bitch, while I bite you. Well, what goes around comes around. You can avoid me all you want, but you should know I'm good in giving surprises.. ;)

Ohh, just to let you know, I've deleted your "girlf" in my facebook. And my profile setting is very private. Those not in my friend list can't see what I've posted on my wall. Her friend tried to add me, but I reject it straight. Now when ppl add me, I'll be very careful of who and who not to accept. So these ppl who may be spy won't have the chance to see all those things I've posted up. No worries. Everything I do, is all for you and that bastard who wanted to be my friend in facebook so badly.. ^^

"Its better to lose your pride with someone you love, rather than lose that someone with your useless pride."

20 Oct midnight, I know you're at home. Your MSN & facebook is online. I called you many many times, but you didn't pick up. I used my brother's hp to call, you pick up and shouted YES MADELINE GOH, what you want?!?! You seems reluctant to talk to me. Giving me that same kind of cold shoulder and attitude once again..

After this, you text me saying you want to end our relationship. I beg you not to leave me, but you still remain standing in your own shoes. You keep saying I don't trust you, but does the things you do let me trust? You book out from camp, didn't even bother to text or call telling me about it. No matter how I beg, you still wanna breakup with me. I'm fine with it, cos I know you're saying angry words at that time. No tears roll down my cheeks, just a smile on my face. I'm very calm at that point of time. I know you won't leave me for no reason, & my guess is right. Something is amiss..

I ring up Sugar the next day and she hinted me things. The whole world wants me to leave you, but she's the only person who speaks up for you. This make my guess even more accruate. You can lie to the whole world, but not me. I know you too well boy. You're smart, but sometimes I'm even smarter than you.. ;)

What is wrong with your body now idk. I went to find you in the afternoon, you're also not willing to breath a word out to me. What happen in your house I shall not talk about it, just forget about everything I did to you and what you did to me. Because what left behind are just pain and tears..

I very much wanted to take back my helmet, you don't allow. You say you want to keep memory of my helmet because of the blings you stick. I will never forget that day, you took almost 2 hours just to stick those blings for me. I know you hadn't forgotten about it too.. You threw all the things I gave you on my lap, but I throw it back to the sofa. That's not the things I want to take you know? All I want is my helmet, because that belongs to ME ONLY. I will never ever allow that bitch to use it. Understand?! Since you say I'm the only girl who can wear that helmet, I trust you, I put it back..

Today I gave you that bracelet which engraved you and my name. One day when you're back to my side, I want you to wear it for me. So please safekeep it with you boy. Before I leave your place, I rub medical oil on your tummie, place the beansprout pillow on it. That's the least I can do for you. Boy, promise me you'll take good care of yourself without me by your side alright? Cos it just hurts to see you suffering in pain silently. Being your girlf', I feel so helpless and hopeless. I can't even help you with anything when you choose to brush me aside. Now I hope Sugar will be there to help you. She understand your condition most. Or should I say she's the only one who understand your condition now? While I only can sit back and do nothing, watching you suffer in pain..

Since you don't want me to be your girlf, den I shall be your best friend. A friend that stay and never leave, a friend that is willing to go thru those ups and downs with you. You won't be that heartless to reject me being your best friend right? Boy, I'm just a call away. If you need help, just ring me up alright?...

Though now I'm just a friend, but I still want to say this. No matter what, our love have never change at all. I'm still waiting for you, waiting for you to hug and protect me like how you used to. Yes, I may be feeling numb now. But I know I love you and this is the fact. I just hope you'll be like the past, always full of smiles and laughters. You know I'm waiting......

I'll try to update my blog on a daily basis. I want you to know what I'm doing every single day. How much I yearn to be by your side yet I can't. How much I miss and love you but I can't say out to the world. So I can only rant on my blog. I know you're reading it. Our relationship is not a drama show, its love. Outsiders won't understand what we're going thru now..

14 Feb '09, you took my heart away. You promise not to leave, but now... Hiax. We may not be married in the eyes of law, but in my heart we're already married. I know you still love me, that's why I didn't give up & I will never give up. The more you try pushing me away, the more I want to stick with you. Sorry, I won't leave at this point of time when you needed me most. Just remember; I'm A PART of you, not APART from you. You ain't a burden to me, you're my dearest boyf. So stop thinking that you're a burden to me. COS I SAY YOU AIN'T MEANS YOU AIN'T.

"How am I suppose to forget everything we had if you left so many things behind for me to remember?"

There're 30 ways to treat a girl. Everytime I update my blog, I'll post one picture up in numeric order. Hope till the end of 30 days after I've posted up all the images, you're back by my side.

Madeline.
13 December.
Enjoying the last year of teenage life.

xoxoxo

I strongly believe in, ЌαЯмά

善有善报，恶有恶报，
不是不报，时间未到 -
因果报应。

"What goes around comes around what goes up must come down."